I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My balls are so social today.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
