D3 body, D1 cock
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
two words...techno handjob
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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