Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
