Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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