just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
