I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
