I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
