I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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