My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
