i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The air taste purple.
Randomize
