Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
