It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
