you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
