hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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