"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
