im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just invented taco cereal.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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