fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
