I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
