let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
