watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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