I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
