Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
