508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
