break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He kissed a someone with a penis
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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