I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
