So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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