I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
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I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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