i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
