Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
