So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
