someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Someone signed my nipple.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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