I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
