that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize