Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
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I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
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I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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