i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
