They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
