how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
