I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
