She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize