Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
