4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
