In the future we'll all be gay
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just tell him i said nine months
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
