do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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