I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
