I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
