You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
