he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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