That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
