Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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