She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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