so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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