i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
