We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
