Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
