I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize