I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
