We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
