I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
